3 WAYS TO COPE WITH ANXIETY IN YOUR CHILDREN

I am a little sad my school mum life has come to an end. I have been a school mum for so long, hands on with my daughters in primary and leaving them to their own devices in high school ....... it is all about to finalise. Reading the newsletters, parent teacher meetings etc. It is an emotional time as my youngest is currently sitting her HSC exams doing so well and boy am I proud !!!!!  Coping amazingly well. Both my girls have anxiety issues and had breakdowns during the HSC. 

It is hard, so hard!!!!  Everyone copes differently. Anxiety and fear of not doing well can paralyse you. I was so proud on Friday as Miss B made it through her math exam happily and confident. I was smiling and relieved. She has two more to go next week and then the HSC is over. 

A LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER'S

To My Darling Girls, 

I feel the need to write you this letter as I want the best for you both always and I want you both to be happy and live a fulfilling life with all that you love. I feel the need to write this as one of you are about to leave your teenage years behind and the other with one more year at school I need to reassure you that you are doing well and I am one super proud mother.

Please be proud of who you are as I am. You are both strong and kind hearted girls and never change the way you are for anyone ever. Follow your dreams and never let anyone hold you back. People are always going to be judgemental so you have to rise above what others think and walk with your head held high. Take on board the advice you feel will benefit and then let the rest go.

Follow your gut and your own morals by listening and feeling what is happening inside your body. If you are cautious or something does not feel right then say no, move away and walk in the other direction. Only you can make the right decision for you. 

In relationships always make sure you are treated like a princess. Listen to each other and always support each other whatever obstacles come your way. Talk through issues and never go to sleep feeling or being unhappy with one another. As you both know it is super important to choose all friends wisely. Never tolerate anything other then respect and love. If you are uncomfortable or are no longer feeling that deep love, or are not being treated the way you should be in any type of relationship, say you do not like the way you are being treated and if nothing changes - then LEAVE with your head held high.

Do not waste time in your teens and twenties longing for a different body or wishing that you looked this way or that. Appreciate your body for what it does for you everyday. Always look after yourself and eat loads of good nutritional food. As I always say You are you and there is no one YOUER that YOU! You are B E A U T I F U L inside and out.

Know that you are L O V E D and adored and you always will be. My door is always open for a chat or just a cuddle, whenever you need me I will always be there. There are times when we challenge each other and disagree or have differences of opinion but that is life and that is part of life. From the very beginning , from the very first moment I learnt I was pregnant with you both I have always loved and cared for and that will never change. I can only guide you as I know how but in the end it is up to you how you live your life and always live it with pride, happiness, butterflies in your tummy and contentment. I love and adore you both always and forever, infinity x infinity. Always know that i ma the proudest mother alive.

The world is full of endless opportunities ready for you both to embrace with open arms. 

Loads of love, hugs and kisses.

M U M M Y xoxo

parenting tips THE FRENCH WAY

Over at one of favourite blogs Absolute Amy, last week Amy shared tips on the French Approach to patience. I have blogged about this a few times and thought I would share it again.

'Bringing Up Bebe'. By Pamela Druckerman, an American mother of 3 who moved to Paris. As you may know I am totally infatuated with Paris at the moment. Although my daughter's are teenagers, I have purchased this book, which I found a good read. Here is the excerpt shared by Jo on her blog.

1. You can have a grown-up life, even if you have kids. Pamela writes: "The French have managed to be involved with their families without becoming obsessive. They assume that even good parents aren't at the constant service of their children, and that there is no need to feel guilty about this. 'For me, the evenings are for the parents,' one Parisian mother told me. 'My daughter can be with us if she wants, but it's adult time.' "

2. You can teach your child the act of learning to wait. Pamela writes: "It is why the French babies I meet mostly sleep through the night…Their parents don't pick them up the second they start crying, allowing the babies to learn how to fall back asleep. It is also why French toddlers will sit happily at a restaurant. Rather than snacking all day like American children, they mostly have to wait until mealtime to eat. (French kids consistently have three meals a day and one snack around 4 p.m.) A [French mother] Delphine said that she sometimes bought her daughter Pauline candy. (Bonbons are on display in most bakeries.) But Pauline wasn't allowed to eat the candy until that day's snack, even if it meant waiting many hours."

3. Kids can spend time playing by themselves, and that's agood thing. Pamela writes: "French parents want their kids to be stimulated, but not all the time...French kids are—by design—toddling around by themselves....'The most important thing is that he learns to be happy by himself,' [a French mother] said of her son....In a 2004 study...the American moms said that encouraging one's child to play alone was of average importance. But the French moms said it was very important."

4. Believe it when you tell your child "No." Pamela writes: "Authority is one of the most impressive parts of French parenting—and perhaps the toughest one to master. Many French parents I meet have an easy, calm authority with their children that I can only envy. When Pauline [a French toddler] tried to interrupt our conversation, Delphine [her French mother] said, "Just wait two minutes, my little one. I'm in the middle of talking." It was both very polite and very firm. I was struck both by how sweetly Delphine said it and by how certain she seemed that Pauline would obey her...I gradually felt my "nos" coming from a more convincing place. They weren't louder, but they were more self-assured."

I followed most of these tips when bringing up my daughter's, my children always behaved while eating out as we were prepared and took colouring pencils and books to keep them entertained while waiting for their meals. I believe playing by themselves creates role play and opens up the imagination. My children were in bed by 7:30 when they were little and then 8:30 as they got older, even now as teenagers (on a school night) they are in bed at 9:30.

You can purchase Bringing Up Bebe here

I would love you to share your opinions and thoughts. 

Do you agree with these parenting styles? 

What challenges you the most being a parent? 

Do any of these points inspire and would you or have you used any of these points in your parenting? 

image The Sartorialist

BRINGING UP BEBE

Reading A Cup of Jo early in 2013 she shared an interesting topic,' How to raise kids like a French woman'. As a new book had been released, 'Bringing Up Bebe'. By Pamela Druckerman, an American mother of 3 who moved to Paris. As you may know I am totally infatuated with Paris at the moment. Although my daughter's are teenagers, I have purchased this book, which I found a good read. Here is the excerpt shared by Jo on her blog.

1. You can have a grown-up life, even if you have kids. Pamela writes: "The French have managed to be involved with their families without becoming obsessive. They assume that even good parents aren't at the constant service of their children, and that there is no need to feel guilty about this. 'For me, the evenings are for the parents,' one Parisian mother told me. 'My daughter can be with us if she wants, but it's adult time.' "

2. You can teach your child the act of learning to wait. Pamela writes: "It is why the French babies I meet mostly sleep through the night…Their parents don't pick them up the second they start crying, allowing the babies to learn how to fall back asleep. It is also why French toddlers will sit happily at a restaurant. Rather than snacking all day like American children, they mostly have to wait until mealtime to eat. (French kids consistently have three meals a day and one snack around 4 p.m.) A [French mother] Delphine said that she sometimes bought her daughter Pauline candy. (Bonbons are on display in most bakeries.) But Pauline wasn't allowed to eat the candy until that day's snack, even if it meant waiting many hours."

3. Kids can spend time playing by themselves, and that's agood thing. Pamela writes: "French parents want their kids to be stimulated, but not all the time...French kids are—by design—toddling around by themselves....'The most important thing is that he learns to be happy by himself,' [a French mother] said of her son....In a 2004 study...the American moms said that encouraging one's child to play alone was of average importance. But the French moms said it was very important."

4. Believe it when you tell your child "No." Pamela writes: "Authority is one of the most impressive parts of French parenting—and perhaps the toughest one to master. Many French parents I meet have an easy, calm authority with their children that I can only envy. When Pauline [a French toddler] tried to interrupt our conversation, Delphine [her French mother] said, "Just wait two minutes, my little one. I'm in the middle of talking." It was both very polite and very firm. I was struck both by how sweetly Delphine said it and by how certain she seemed that Pauline would obey her...I gradually felt my "nos" coming from a more convincing place. They weren't louder, but they were more self-assured."

I followed most of these tips when bringing up my daughter's, my children always behaved while eating out as we were prepared and took colouring pencils and books to keep them entertained while waiting for their meals. I believe playing by themselves creates role play and opens up the imagination. My children were in bed by 7:30 when they were little and then 8:30 as they got older, even now as teenagers (on a school night) they are in bed at 9:30.

I would love you to share your opinions and thoughts. 

Do you agree with these parenting styles? 

What challenges you the most being a parent? 

Do any of these points inspire and would you or have you used any of these points in your parenting? 

Articles The Wall St Journal + The Huffington Post

BAMBINI CHILD | 3 THINGS TO TEACH YOUR CHILD WITHOUT SAYING A WORD

Not sure if many of you are aware that I have another blog, Bambini Child, which needs a little TLC as I do not blog as often as i would like, so i am bringing a little Bambini Child over here. 

We teach our kids 100 percent of the time through our actions; when your words and deeds don't match, they notice. So why not take advantage of the fact that young people watch and imitate our every move? 

Here are three areas where if you apply a little attention and end up teaching your children a whole lot:

1. Show respect.

Sure, we can ask our kids to respect us and others. We can prompt them to use polite words and a kind tone of voice. But, how do they really learn respect? By being on the receiving end of it! It can be hard to remember that toddlers and preschoolers {not to mention feisty school-aged kids and surly teens} are intelligent human beings. But they are. Intelligent, whole humans, completely deserving of your love, attention and respect. Often, developmental drives {along with garden-variety stresses} push their behaviour in directions we dislike. If we can keep their wholeness at the forefront of our minds, we can likely respond better - and with more love and respect.

2. Be humble. 

We want our kids to know how and when to admit they are wrong. When they are young and in the ego development phase of their lives, they will not be inclined to do so. This is where your consistent modelling of admitting fault and apologising comes in. Our children need to know we are human and make mistakes, just like they do. Since we have the more fully developed brains in the relationship, the onus is on us to go first. Admit it when you mess up. Say you're sorry. Mean it. Make amends if needed, and move on. They will eventually learn to do the same.

3. Model emotional competence. 

Children experience their emotions intensely - just as we once did before we learned that expressing strong feelings was looked down upon. We're inclined to "maintain" our emotions in front of children, but this is totally inauthentic. Kids need to know that emotions are OK to have, feel and express. Fear, sadness, grief, anger, joy, delight - all emotions are part of being human. Feelings are messages from within. They let us know where we are internally {"How am I doing right now?"} and help us assess where we are externally {"Whoa, is this area safe?"}. As social creatures, we are wired to tune into the emotions of others. When we try to cover up how we feel, our children still know how we feel.

Our denial merely confuses them and sends a mixed message.

It's the double-edged sword of parenting that your children are always watching you. What you say and do speaks volumes - aim to be a positive example. Your kids will thank you. Eventually.

You may have to model a little patience first.

Source The Huffington Post | Image from pinterest

I would love to know your thoughts as to whether you would like me to keep bringing the children's world here more often. 

I also have a children's boutique i am trying to get up and running. I have a facebook page 'Bambini Child' where you can keep up to date with what is new and on sale.

PARENTING PANEL | WHEN YEAR 12 IS OVER .... WHAT NEXT?

Last year my eldest completed her last formal year of schooling. A question that comes up is what is next? Uni/College/Job. In my personal opinion if the child is eager to continue their education then encourage it. But there are also students who do not care to further there education and that is ok too. Being a parent and a step parent I have experienced both.

Some children are not really academic and need to find an avenue that they like and enjoy. My eldest has decided to further her education, college based to obtain her degree in becoming an early childhood educator and maybe next year or further down the track continue on to university to become a primary school teacher. 

All three of my step children went straight into work prospects and all have thrived in doing so. One also has completed uni degrees through his employer. So that is another avenue to further educate and obtain better job prospects and pay outcomes. 

There are so many choices out there and the best thing to do is talk to your child and ask how they are thinking and open the conversation to listen to their thoughts and choices. After all it is their life. It all depends on the child and their capabilities.

Of course secretly I am super happy that Rachel has decided to further her education, but either way I would have supported her decision and thoughts. I also think that if most of their peers are going to further their education then others will follow suit.

I am no expert but I would like to share my ideas and thoughts with you and I look forward to your feedback and thoughts and by all means questions that you may would like answers too or an opinion on.  Looking forward to bouncing ideas and thoughts with you all. 

What are your thoughts?

Do you feel higher education is more important than getting a job?

Did you go on to further education? Was it after year 12 or when you were older and wanted to change careers?

parenting teenagers WHEN OPPORTUNITIES COME KNOCKING

Time moves so fast without us really taking notice. This is year is a new beginning for everyone. Especially for my eldest daughter Rachel whom completed her final year of schooling last year. It was a hard and stressful year with lots of ups and downs. My beautiful Rachel has very low self esteem, which I try my best to build but she is at that point where you know when your parents just think that every thing is ok and where inside they are probably feeling a little down. With the realisation that the world as hey knew has changed forever. The regular routine of getting up and going to school where you have your friends around you every day to talk to and confide. 

Rachel is hoping to get into Primary School teaching but starting off with early childhood education. There is a local child are centre nearby that offers traineeships and just before Christmas Rachel was offered a trial day from 9.00 - 5.00 which she enjoyed. The centre had actually chosen another person but they chose not to take the position which has opened up another opportunity for my daughter. She was asked to go in for 4 hours. 

Remember that feeling of anxiousness and anticipation when doing something out of your comfort zone? Feeling that you do not want to do this as you are so uncomfortable and worried about what the outcome will be. Well that is how my daughter felt yesterday morning before walking into the child care centre saying that she did not want to go, tears in her eyes and trying to think of anything to make the situation easier by going home and forgetting all about it. I really did want to say let's go and make it all better but I didn't. I am feeling a little mother guilt at the moment but I know deep down I have done the right thing but in the back of mind thinking I should have taken her home. 

The only way to get past these situations is to follow through and feel uncomfortable for a little while until the situation becomes better and you ease yourself into it and start to feel that I am happy I did this. So here is to hoping that all goes well for Rachel and let's hope she gets the traineeship and works hard to maintain her friendships and make new ones as new opportunities come around. 

I am happy to report that my lovely daughter came out smiling and happy and thankful for the opportunity again. Lets hope that she gets a call saying she has the traineeship. Fingers crossed. 

MERRIMENT with a tinge of SADNESS

This time of year is always a mixed bag of emotions for me. As I look out the window and watch my 15 year old daughter walk down the street on her way to the bus stop for her last day of year 9, I get that feeling of sadness that overwhelms me and I find it hard to hold back the tears. I

I have watched both my daughters grow and become beautiful inside and out human beings and I could not be any prouder than I am today. My eldest this year, completed her HSC to the best of her ability. I was so completely happy when she received an award for being the top in her English class. Followed by the graduation which was held at our local church. The highlight for me was when they lit candles to celebrate the ending of one door closing and the opening of another. Weeks after the HSC was complete came the formal, where parents were invited to go and celebrate with them.  After the formal dinner and festivities were over teenagers were off on their own to their after party cruising on the harbour for three hours. Arriving back in their hotel rooms at The Star to spend quality time together and have a little more fun.  Rachel also recently came back from the Gold Coast having a fabulous time with a few friends celebrating going to theme parks and generally having fun and looking after themselves. The last month or so has been major for me of letting go and trusting that my girl can look after herself. 

My beautiful 15 year old has grown and matured way beyond her years to become this lovely young lady. I have looked at her several times throughout the year to notice that she has grown from a young teenager to a beautiful caring and considerate young lady. There have been a few ups and downs with my Brookie with her body changing and realising that she is not a little stick figure anymore but a beautiful lady with a personality everyone adores. 


There have also been loads of hard times going through the attitude and all unpleasantries but we have come out the other side and all is well.  

As the year draws to a close I happy to say that my my daughter's are both responsible, beautiful, loving caring and pleasant people and that I am one of the proudest mother's on the planet. 

How was your 2013? 

parenting monday BUILDING SELF BELIEF

Build Self Belief in Your Child

“Children's self-esteem influences their social behaviour and learning,” says Grose. “Children with low self-esteem are less likely to step out of their comfort zone to extend themselves, take risks or try new experiences. Quite simply if kids have a healthy level of esteem and feel good about themselves they’re more likely to make friends and succeed at pre-school and at school.”

“The way we interact with our kids on a daily basis influences the positive picture that they construct of themselves,” he says. “It’s important we let them know through our language and behaviour that they’re capable and worthwhile, then they’ll start to believe it themselves. The messages we send influence the way kids see themselves as well as our relationship with them. Encourage your kids to do things for themselves and focus more on what they’re doing, rather than result, to help them grow, develop and become more self-confident.”

How to promote self-esteem in your kids:

+ Build on your child's strengths and point out to them their areas of expertise. 

+ Give kids realistic responsibility. Develop self-help skills from an early age.

+ Develop the courage to be imperfect. Let them know that mistakes are part of learning. 

+ Help them to develop the attitude that anything is possible.

+ Establish an achievement board or star chart.

+ Look for small victories or achievements and celebrate them.

+ Help children set goals and stick to them.

+ Write letters or notes of appreciation and leave them under their pillow and in lunch-boxes.

+ Give objective feedback but begin with a strength or positive.

+ Compare them only to themselves.

Michael Grose via BellaMUMMA

parenting monday A LITTLE PERCEPTION

Perception - the ability to see, hear or become aware of something through the senses. Sometimes it is important to seek advice and reflect upon situations that habor our day to day. After last weeks post I decided to do a little research on teenagers and the way they are and I came across this article from psych central.

I love that we can now research the net and find information to help us along our way. I have always been an avid reader of psychology books and this article really ran true to me and I found myself saying thank you as it justifies a whole lot of things on teenagers and their parents.

Hang in there!

The difference between the families that make it and those that don’t is parental tenacity. Parents who hang in, who continue to express love and concern, who continue to insist on knowing where their kids are going and with whom, who include their teens in family events, and who stubbornly refuse to give up are the parents who generally manage to save their kids.

Hang on (to your sense of humour)

Yes, a sense of humor. Without it, ‘rents are really sunk. As one exhausted mom told me, “I’ve decided to take the position that it’s all quite boring. Every weekend, my son goes somewhere he shouldn’t with someone he shouldn’t and does something he shouldn’t. It’s all boringly predictable.” This Mom hadn’t given up. She had discovered that putting a sardonic twist on the situation allowed her to take a step back. She was then able to look at the larger picture instead of getting caught up in the misbehavior of the week.

Take it seriously, but not personally. (This is something I really need to do)

Angry teens sometimes do have things to be angry about. But equally often, their anger seems totally out of proportion to their lot in life. If you have treated your child with love and respect all along and that child is still hostile, it may have very little to do with you or with how that child was raised. There are more influences on a child’s life than his or her parents. Parents who resolutely stay involved and responsible but who don’t take each and every misbehavior as a personal attack are usually more effective than those who take all comments and actions to heart.

Remember that the kid is as scared as you are.

Sullen and hostile moods often are covers for fear. Let’s face it: it’s scary out there! It’s hard enough to negotiate the world as adults. Many kids find it just plain overwhelming. Rather than show their vulnerability, they posture to themselves and each other. Talking and acting like a surly big shot is a great cover when a person feels small, ineffectual, and scared. ( By the way — parents who act like surly big shots are usually also feeling small, ineffectual, and scared.)

Find ways to let the teen “save face.”

It’s not all that uncommon for a kid to realise that he or she has gone too far. In those moments, it’s very important to give the kid a way to back down gracefully. Scolding, punishing, nagging, or lecturing will only make the teen defensive. When cornered, teen pride demands a hostile response. Instead, give the kid a back door. Try that sense of humor (see No. 2). See if some gentle kidding like “Who are you and where did you put my son?” alters the situation.

Understand adolescent depression.

Irritability and explosiveness in teens are sometimes symptoms of depression. If your teen’s mood seems unreasonable given his or her situation, it is important to have a professional screen for depression. Sometimes it really is about biochemistry. When that is the case, some medication and counseling will do more than lectures and consequences.

Parenting Makes Us Humble

On the other hand, if you do have things to apologise for, do it. It’s never too late to start over. Kids really do want parents, but they want parents they can trust. An honest apology and genuine efforts to make the family a better place to be can set the family in a new direction. It will take time. The kids won’t believe you at first and may even test you. But if you stick to it, most kids will come around.

One of my wise older friends tells me that the purpose of parenting is to teach us humility. There is nothing like dealing with an angry teen to teach us just how little control we have in the universe. But parents who hang on tight with love and care often end up having more influence than they would have believed possible at the time. Eventually maturity does kick in and these hostile teens become strong, independent adults.